In control or out of control... whichever works.

To say that I had everything predetermined for me when I was a child would be wrong, but to say that I didn’t try to fulfill every expectation from my parents or others would also be wrong. I grew up as the middle child, with an older brother and a younger sister. I took my role as the middle child and had a shy personality, usually quiet, even introverted. I was a crazy little kid along with my brother and sister, which I’m sure my parents loved at times, but once I was on my own or in a new environment I went into automatic quiet kid mode.

This seemed to take overtake my personality and I was always known as shy, if I was even noticed. Because of this, I wasn’t the most social so I focused on school and other activities. My parents stressed good grades, so I got them. They wanted me to play sports, so I tried them all. I started with t-ball and gymnastics, went through basketball, volleyball, track, but I didn’t love the sports I played until I started swimming and playing water polo. Joining these sports not only introduced me to some of my best friends but it also made me step out of my comfort zone and allowed my to be more outgoing. I am thankful for that because my personality has grown and I can be comfortable just being me.

So high school for me, as I’m sure you could guess, was grades and sports, but I loved it. I was the good kid in my family, I had to try and stand out since I was only the middle child. So I did all of my homework every night and I went to school every day, no matter what, and I made every practice, even the extra ones, and I cleaned the house, did the dishes, the laundry, the grocery shopping, anything you could think of, I had it done and better than you expected. But that was because I thought I had to do it all.

Considering everything I’ve been through, optimistic doesn’t begin to describe how I look at my life. I lost my mom in a car accident the summer before my freshman year in high school. I loved her and admired her in every way, I even look and act like her and my family reminds me of that every day. So taking on her responsibilities seemed natural, but it was also for the rest of my family. That was only the first bump in the road for me, definitely the worst, but I still consider myself lucky for everything I have. I know its cliché, but I wouldn’t be the person I am today without everything in my past.

This picture also has a lot to do with me. It was originally just the picture, but for my senior night during water polo season my coach edited it and hung it up for everyone to see. I love it because it just makes me laugh, but it reminds me of my team and everything I put into it. Before this, it was in my eighth grade year book with a caption from my family. The school did this every year for all the eighth graders and had families send in a baby picture with a “good luck, I love you” message for graduation. And even before that, it was sitting in a photo box in our living room with all the other pictures of me, my brother, and my sister being our goofy, normal selves. Basically, me in a nutshell. Gotta love the nineties, such great clothes.