When I logged into my Twitter account and say the trending topic “#VirginDiaries” in the right column, I debated whether or not I should be afraid to click it. Being curious, it is no surprise that I could not resist. At the top of the page was TLC’s tweet promoting their hour-long special about people who make the decision to save sex for marriage. This was followed by commentary on the ridiculousness of the show. The most obvious next move was to tune in to the program.
As I searched for the remote, most of what I was thinking about surrounded the stars of another of their programs- “19 Kids and Counting.” The Duggars had a highly viewed special when their son Josh got married in witch their views on premarital sex were made very clear. They do not kiss potential spouses before marriage. I assumed that The Learning Channel’s newest special would revolve around religious families similar to the Duggars. When I finally turned the television on there were only about fifteen minutes left of the show but it was definitely enough to get the idea.
When they returned from the commercial break, two virgin newlyweds were about to leave their wedding. They had experienced their first kiss at the ceremony and the highly uncomfortable kiss makes up most of the “Virgin Diaries” promotion. Comments on the kiss on Twitter included questions as to whether or not the couple had ever seen a kiss in a movie. Really, one has to watch the preview to believe it. Their friends were placing bets as to whether they would actually consummate their relationship that night and the bride’s father said he would “love to be a fly on the wall in that room” because they have never had sexual encounters. It’s best to say that I was left speechless. The show continued to follow three female (virgin) roommates on their group blind date. One of the first topics covered on their date was their status as virgins, further adding to my level of discomfort.
Watching both stories unfold- along with a third, which I did not see enough of to follow- I began to get the sense that TLC was mocking these people. They featured clip after clip of the newlyweds licking each other’s faces and showed the roommates talking in their apartment with their cats. Nearly every stereotype of a lonely, single person could be found in the final five minutes of the special. The way these peoples’ lives were being portrayed fell more along the lines of a documentary about an endangered species than a reality show. Instead of promoting a chaste lifestyle like I had expected, they left us with the newlyweds saying that their night took some “creative thinking” and that it was “good… but not as good as expected.”
Views on premarital sex can be demonstrated in a continuum from the Duggars on one end to the cast of Jersey Shore on another. I do not think that the issue is one that will ever agreed upon by even a majority in society. We are so used to being flooded with images of casual sex in shows on MTV that on one end, it seems completely normal. On the other hand, many religious groups of families tend to present us with the opposite standpoint: sex is for married couples. Even for an individual to come up with his/her own stance on the issue may be difficult at times. With so many third parties influencing a decision that may be so personal for many, thing often get extremely complicated.
I would not honestly be able to say that I have a firm belief falling towards either extreme end of the spectrum. Because of this, I sometimes feel that when watching Josh and Anna Duggar’s wedding or the Situation “creeping” at the club in Jersey I am fairly impartial to the issue. Tonight’s experience while watching TLC has apparently proved otherwise. I believe that we all have a sense of bias when it comes to issues that have become so deeply individualized and that there will always be something so different from what we have encountered that we are caught off guard. Chalk up yet another surprisingly thought-provoking experience from The Learning Channel.
The expression of sexuality seems to be one with a HUGE variance in subject positions. Not just between whether you think pre-marital sex is OK or not, but also how (married or unmarried) you practice your sexuality. Sex is the most intimate and personal activity that we as human beings engage in on a base level - you are literally giving your body to someone else - but on that same level it is something that we all have in common. Peoples particular wants, desires, kinks, etc. may vary but we all do still have the basic physical desire for sexual gratification.
ReplyDeleteThis is why my subject position on the issue of pre-marital sex leaves me with a feeling of guilt. I will admit that I am slightly judgemental of people who remain virgins until they are married. I tend to feel bad for them more than anything else because I look back on my first sexual experiences and think about having to go through all of that awkwardness on my wedding night. Yikes.
When you really think about it, the difference between someone you are romantically in love with and someone you love (best friend, relative..) is the physical aspect of your relationship. Sex and sexuality is something that is so individual to each of us and sexual compatibility is a very real and important thing in a healthy relationship. We see in TV shows like Sex and the City the classic example of "the sex was amazing, but we just didn't get along," or "I love him, but there's nothing going on in the bedroom."
In bridging the divide, I can fully understand how remaining abstinent until marriage would require a HUGE commitment to love your significant other for the person that they are and that sex could distract or cloud this undertaking. I hope I haven't offended anyone and, like I said at the beginning, people have no more personal and private a decision than their sexual practices. We should all respect this about each other.
Anything on TLC just CAN'T be about the ostensible topic; it's about TLC's gross-out marketing strategy.
ReplyDeleteBUT this is doing real cultural work (ugly work) on abstinence or virginity by ridiculing it. Really screaming for some critical commentary--on the programs, not on the issue.