Pious Priorities

Section 9: “Children are really the supreme gift of marriage and contribute in the highest degree to their parents' welfare."

Explanation: If you do not have children in your marriage you will have a less fulfilling and satisfying marriage than those marriages that have children. Children are always a gift in marriages and always benefit the parent. No exceptions.

I chose to write an extremely short explanation of this statement in order to match the tone the Pope takes. It is definite. It is unquestionable. It creates a dichotomous distinction between those married people who have children and those who do not as a dichotomy of success and failure. This glorification of children as the ultimate goal of marriage has endless psychological effects for the parents, children, and those married people who cannot or choose not to have/adopt children---though as the goal seems to be the production of children adopting might not be of the same high ‘degree’ as birthing them.

Labeling children as “the supreme gift” implies that some people are fortunate enough to be graced with them and that children are inherently blessings (planned and given) of God. This representation of history leaves out the fact that children (in God’s world) begin losing value the moment they are born: it beings with natural sin and only gets worse from there as they become “fully conscious adults” who sin and turn into the people who should be producing more innocent children. There is no comment on the contexts of children with parents who are not mentally, economically, emotionally, or physically stable. Couples who are married and do not have children are often pitied for their unfortunate circumstance. It is first assumed they could not have children, the negative labels such as selfish and lazy begin when it is realized it was a choice not to have children. The Pope makes this synonymous to denying God.

The concluding half of the statement that “children contribute in the highest degree to their parents’ welfare” argues that those who do not have children will be lacking some sort of well-rounded knowledge and prosperity that those with children gained. The children themselves gain the idea that they are the center of the universe based on their parents’ treatment. This can lead to a false sense of entitlement. The relationships between the parents, the children and the parents and the outside world become confused. By placing the children as the most important element in the marriage pyramid of priorities the couple has the potential to loose themselves and their relationship to one another in constantly putting their child first. Reasons for marriage differ, what constitutes a “happy, healthy” marriage will undoubtedly be different in each case, but the underlying issue with the Pope’s message is the interpretation of who each person is living for.

The image above was captioned as “the overbearing parent and the coddled child”. The Pope manipulates Dr. Phil’s advice on praising your child in the right ways and teaches it is best to praise your child by teaching your child to praise God. The Catholic Church as I grew up with it had decided the appropriate age for children to receive first communion was 7. This is a sort of step in your grand initiation to the Church and ‘knowing’ God. Beginning with baptism, communion, confirmation, marriage, and children is the 5-step outline to a fulfilling life within the church. You are allowed to diverge should you feel God is calling you to serve within the Church; this service is equally (if not more) merited. If you are married you are married for God. If you are married you are to produce children for God. If you are a priest you are married to the Church (ever wonder why the Church is feminized---homosexuality isn’t in her 5-step plan). The production of children means the production of more Catholics. Hopefully my point wasn’t lost in what I tried not make a rant and more of a reasoning--- the Pope has constructed children as natural and key to a worthwhile life, but only in the context of married couples (in the Catholic Church).